Self-Esteem
Self-Esteem in the World vs. Self-Concept in the WordSelf-esteem is the single most important facet of a person and the secret to good mental health—so said Nathaniel Branden’s 1969 publication, The Psychology of Self-Esteem. That article began what came to be known as the Self-Esteem Movement, changing the face of education, parenting, and generations of children and young people.
After years of being caught in its sway, even some of its original proponents see the negative results of all the “I love me” lessons taught in schools, the “everybody wins and gets a trophy” approach, and heaps of empty praise unrelated to effort or actual ability. Studies have now proven that attempts to raise self-esteem haven’t improved grades or career achievement and haven’t reduced alcohol or drug use or violence.
The terms “self-esteem” and “self-concept” are often used interchangeably, but I believe they are actually different, and significantly so for the Christian believer. According to Webster, esteem is: (1) an opinion or judgment of merit or demerit; (2) high value or estimation; great regard; (3) favorable opinion, founded on supposed worth. So, self-esteem indicates esteem or good opinion of one’s self, having a high regard for one’s self.
The word “concept,” on the other hand, means a thought, opinion, an idea. Self-concept then would be the opinions, thoughts, or ideas we have about ourselves. As Christians, we must build that self-concept on what God says about us rather than what the world or others say about us.
We are told in Romans 12:3 that we are not to think of ourselves more highly than we ought to think, but to think soberly. Philippians 2:3 also admonishes us, “in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves.”
When people say they have “low self-esteem,” I believe they are really talking about a condition in which they do not feel capable, competent, or confident to deal with whatever they are facing. That usually comes from not having an accurate Biblical self-concept, along with lacking some of the skills or knowledge necessary to capably, competently and confidently deal with life. Often, because of early life circumstances, children do not learn some of the skills and elements of character they need to navigate life well. That translates into adults who are also lacking.
When that is the case, people often have a tendency to try to cope or cover it up with behaviors that can lead to many other difficulties.
Here’s a partial list of coping or covering-up behaviors: complaining, wallowing in self-pity, worrying, becoming judgmental and unforgiving, feeling a lot of stress and anxiety, fantasizing and daydreaming, yelling and screaming, crying and pouting, becoming rude, acting out with addictions (alcohol, drugs, eating, spending, pornography, sexual activity, computer/video games), making bad spontaneous decisions, becoming physically aggressive, using sarcasm, demanding unreasonable perfection from self or others, and becoming overly tired and depressed.
The tendency is to label those behaviors (the “low self-esteem”) as the problem, rather than recognizing the real origin of the difficulty.
What is the antidote to not feeling capable, competent, or confident? It is first understanding the true root of the problem, then realizing and apprehending a right self-concept, who we are as defined by God’s Word, rather than by the world’s system. It’s in knowing that power and success are not found in how good we feel about ourselves, but in our relationship with and reliance on Him. It’s in intentionally discovering and learning healthy life and relationship skills, taking care of emotional hurts that may still plague us from the past, and looking to Him—not an over-inflated “self esteem”—to produce a sense of competence and confidence.
Though space does not permit a comprehensive listing, here are a few of the basics of what the Word says about us, along with scriptural references to study:
• When we are born again(John 3:5, Acts 2:38):
o We are chosen, a royal priesthood (John 15:16, Ephesians 1:4; I Peter 2:9)
o We have God’s armor for our protection (Ephesians 6:13)
o We are adopted & grafted into God’s Family (II Corinthians 6: 17,18; Romans 11:17)
o We have an inheritance (Ephesians 1:11,12, Galatians 3:26,29)
o We have newness of life (Romans 6:4, II Corinthians 5:17, Ephesians 4: 22,23)
o We can have the fruits of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22,23)
o We are free from condemnation (Romans 8:1)
o We have grace and peace (Ephesians 1:2)
o We have everything that is needed (Philippians 4:19)
o We have daily forgiveness (I John 1:9)
• With our identity in Christ:
o We are cleansed (Acts 10:15, I Corinthians 6:11)
o We are the sweet fragrance of Christ (II Corinthians 2:15a)
o We are God’s fellow-workers (I Corinthians 3:9)
o We are ambassadors for Him (II Corinthians 5:20)
o We are recipients of God’s power (Psalms 8:35, Acts 1:8a, II Timothy 1:7)
Though it can be a challenge to firmly establish our identity and our self-concept in God’s Word because it goes against what many of us have been taught by the world around us, the wonderful news is that there are many resources available to help us through each step.
When we allow God to lead us and direct us in this area, we can find a strong confidence, a sense of capability and competency based in Him and not in ourselves. It brings us to a greater comprehension of Philippians 4:13, “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.”
